Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I Don't Want to Do This, But I Am

Well, I didn't get the news I was hoping for from the oncologist. The type of cancer I had, triple negative and aggressive, warrants taking a further step to eradicate any stray cells. So, I will begin chemotherapy on July 1st—six treatments, with three weeks between each one.

My first reaction was anger. After all, this just stinks. There were so many things I wanted to do this summer and fall—travel, visit family, hike some trails. Taking chemotherapy wasn’t one of them—most definitely.

I don’t want to do this. I really, really don’t want to do this.

No one does. Fatigue will be a factor, along with low blood counts. My hair will be a total loss. And, of course, there are a myriad of uncommon side effects that a scattered few experience.

But I want to live. So I will do what I have to do with as much courage and faith and dignity as I can muster up.

Thankfully, God is helping me see some positives. I have a doctor with many years of experience and a heart of compassion for his patients. The chemo drugs that he chose seldom cause nausea. I have a husband who loves me and will do everything he possibly can to help me through this. The love and support of my family and friends brings a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. The prayer warriors coming along side of me are a mighty army that stretches far and wide. And, Jesus is holding my hand as He walks this road with me. I am not alone.

I don’t want to do this, but, with God’s help, I am.

Your continued prayers are appreciated.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Isaiah 43:2


©2015 Pamela D. Williams